One of the Few Things Duct Tape Hasn't Worked For

I have had this plantar’s wart for 4 years. My daughter used to annotate my introduction to any playmate’s parent with: “She has a wart foot.”

I have used duct tape, impulsive and messy home surgery, a year of doctor’s visits and remedies – including 2 very painful injections of frog poison or monkey urine - I don’t remember exactly but as the doctor pulled the shot from the vial he mentioned this particular cure had come from this exotic source in the rain forest.

There have been announcements that “it’s gone.”

I have used denial, loving visualizations of its compassionate passing in to nothingness, near-constant swimming, and irregular treatments of the salisylic acid goo by Dr. Scholes.

Now…I am methodical and focused, unemotional and unforgiving. I am following the package directions with a kind of surrendered and vengeful last-resort compliance. I am freezing and and I am burning. I am soaking and trimming. Start planning your massive and comprehensive retreat, you hideous and painful lump. This is Wartfare!